ninjas and chickenheads

drbadhands:

5am findings:
1. Drugs will not reset my clock.
2. Regardless of left or right perfect bilateral symmetry, I still look like an asshole who needs a haircut and a mustache intervention.
3. That one thing I said that one time was probably the funniest thing anyone has ever said about anything.
4. Approximately 4 out of 10 times, a brownie topped with ice cream will not be as good as you expect it to be.
5. I am a love machine, and I won’t work for nobody but you.
6. I can master any song on the guitar as long as it consists of only two chords.
7. The money I spend on cigarettes is balanced out by the money I don’t spend on toilet paper. Don’t think about this too hard.
8. Sometimes, something happens at 4am.
9. I’m really very tired.
10. I know where and how Orion sits in your sky, so I can position myself as if I’m smoking my cigarette in your front yard.

I love this man.  That is all.
Tuesday December 7, 2010

drbadhands:

5am findings:

1. Drugs will not reset my clock.

2. Regardless of left or right perfect bilateral symmetry, I still look like an asshole who needs a haircut and a mustache intervention.

3. That one thing I said that one time was probably the funniest thing anyone has ever said about anything.

4. Approximately 4 out of 10 times, a brownie topped with ice cream will not be as good as you expect it to be.

5. I am a love machine, and I won’t work for nobody but you.

6. I can master any song on the guitar as long as it consists of only two chords.

7. The money I spend on cigarettes is balanced out by the money I don’t spend on toilet paper. Don’t think about this too hard.

8. Sometimes, something happens at 4am.

9. I’m really very tired.

10. I know where and how Orion sits in your sky, so I can position myself as if I’m smoking my cigarette in your front yard.

I love this man.  That is all.

(via drbadhands-deactivated20110228)

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It’s called Pumpple, by the way.

Saturday December 4, 2010

I like cock better.

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So my mom made this dessert for Thanksgiving.

Saturday December 4, 2010

It was two kinds of pie baked into a cake.  Apple and pumpkin.  She saw it on Rachael Ray.  It was okay.  I didn’t think it was that great, actually, but it was, like, a novelty thing.  The lady who’d been on the show had said that she made it because nobody could ever decide whether to have pie or cake at her restaurant, so she made both.  None of us thought that was a very good backstory.  Anyway, my mom couldn’t remember what the thing was called, so while I used my internets on my phone to look it up, everybody tossed around suggestions.  “Pake.” “C-K-ie.” Nobody could decide whether that one started with a C or a K, so it was discarded.  Then my notoriously ditzy aunt brightened suddenly with inspiration and said, “Why don’t we just call it COCK!”  It was great, because for about 8 seconds, she looked SO proud of herself.  Like she had completely solved the giantest mystery.  The rest of us sat in the silence that happens before everybody realizes it’s funny and starts to laugh.  At that point, my equally ditzy stepdad turned to her and said, “Yeah, but there’s not even any PIE in that.”

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GPOYW because it’s my birthday and I don’t know what happened to my face here.
Wednesday December 1, 2010

GPOYW because it’s my birthday and I don’t know what happened to my face here.

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It’s funny because it’s Monday and I’m not at work yet.  Also because it’s funny.

Monday November 22, 2010
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tj:

Just finished watching the “Host” episode of X-Files and now will never be able to sleep or poop again. (It lives in the sewers.)

Had to break my silence.  I remember when this originally aired and I still think about it in the shower all the time.  A decade plus later.  Remember when the guy swallowed it because it was in the water?  That happened, right?  It’s like a sucker fish man that lives in your body!
Saturday August 28, 2010

tj:

Just finished watching the “Host” episode of X-Files and now will never be able to sleep or poop again. (It lives in the sewers.)

Had to break my silence.  I remember when this originally aired and I still think about it in the shower all the time.  A decade plus later.  Remember when the guy swallowed it because it was in the water?  That happened, right?  It’s like a sucker fish man that lives in your body!

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I’m sorry. I know I don’t come here often. But really, I saw this and I thought of every single one of you. This is a dentist in my hometown, and I’ve been to his office and everything.  It’s like a convergence of everything I understand.  Jay-Z, JC, unicorns, the dentist, wisdom, papayas, and you people.

Friday June 25, 2010
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i like the way people are for each other.

Friday June 11, 2010

like how it seems all stupid and solitary and everybody just does what they do, but they don’t really.  they do stuff and it’s for somebody else because somebody else is for them.

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paulewogblog:

jimrock:

(via bringtheruckuss)

David tamed foxes. He is a motherfucker.

i don’t plan to add anything.  it’s just that it’s david the gnome.
Saturday February 20, 2010

paulewogblog:

jimrock:

(via bringtheruckuss)

David tamed foxes. He is a motherfucker.

i don’t plan to add anything.  it’s just that it’s david the gnome.

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